Cycles

Welcome Back! It is so nice being able to speak to y’all again. It has been such a crazy time here at UTSA. I have had the greatest opportunity to make new friendships and deepen my existing ones. Each blog post gives me the opportunity to reflect on what the Lord has been doing in my life here.

I know I am making everything sound perfect however, I have been in such a battle here lately. I have not been feeling confident in myself which has subsequently made my mornings so much harder. I have been stuck in a perpetual cycle that makes it difficult to find pride in myself and my appearance. This cycle was personal to me but I am writing this so maybe someone who finds themselves in a similar position can find a way out.

1. External stimulant

It is a perfect Saturday morning. You woke up, got dressed, ate breakfast, and were out the door. You feel absolutely confident and think today is going to be great. You are hanging with your friends when someone makes a joke about your clothing. Or maybe you realized you’re a little underdressed. Or any external situation places you in a mindset where you feel insecure about your appearance. This is how it started for me.

“Wow! You really put in a lot of effort today” “You look comfortable.” “This is not what you would normally wear.” “We are just going to ____, why are you wearing that?” “Dang, you must really like that shirt/hoodie/pants/etc.”

These are things people have said to me in real life. These statements may seem totally innocent at first glance but in actuality, they are not honoring. I may feel like I look great but something said or done outside affects me inside and I am entered into a cycle I want no part of.

2. Internal Insecurity

Unfortunately once these things are spoken they cannot be taken back. These statements trigger insecurity within me that I am still working on. This is where the ruminating thoughts begin.

“Did I wear too much makeup?” “Do I look lazy or underdressed?” “Maybe I am doing too much” “How many times have I worn this?”

I try so hard to catch myself here and replace these lies with truths that I know, but honestly, because I have not spent enough time dealing with this insecurity it is hard to know how to combat it. Before I knew the Lord I was extremely insecure in my appearance and femininity. I was always the tallest and darkest girl in my classes or friend groups which are everything society tells us a woman isn’t (e.x. any princess or lead female character prior to 2010). I was bullied a lot growing up about these things and they have ultimately manifested into genuine insecurities for me. Hearing even a semblance to those taunts can take me back to the nine year old Grace who just wanted to make friends at her new school. These thoughts are so dangerous because it causes us to believe that we are somehow less than what God created us to be. We sit and contemplate so much about our appearance that it begins to manifest physically.

3. Manifestation of Insecurity and Incompleteness

This is the hardest part of the cycle. It happens every morning and can ruin my day. It is another Saturday morning and you want to start getting dressed to get coffee with a friend. It is time to pick out an outfit or start doing your hair/makeup and that is when those thoughts and words come back. All of a sudden I have nothing to wear, I look and feel ugly in everything. Nothing I do to my hair looks right. My makeup looks weird today, or maybe I look weird and need to cover it up. Everything that can go wrong, does. Then instead of looking my best, it took me more than an hour to end up wearing clothes I do not feel comfortable in and with my hair tied up because I do not want people to see it. This is where I get stuck. Because I try to ask my roommates to help me out, I will show them 3-4 different outfits but nothing they say can convince me that I look good. Then looking at the outfit I end up with makes me even more upset. This step is where we can go back and forth with steps 2 and 3. They coincide with each other until we find a temporary solution to make us feel better.

4. Finding a temporary solution

As I aged, I grew more confident in my height and my skin color but I ultimately still felt like less of a woman. I started taking a liking to dressing up, makeup, and hair. It was always a genuine interest for me but I started overcompensating so I can overcome these insecurities. In no way am I insinuating that wanting to dress up or taking a liking to these things is bad. I personally love them. However, I allowed my liking or personal attraction to these things to be a temporary solution to solving my insecurities. So in response, I buy clothes and new makeup. Or I get my hair redone and switch my style up. These things are great however, they never truly addressed the issue. I was distracting myself with glitter and gold instead of looking inwardly. This step looks different for everyone, maybe it is dying your hair or looking for male validation. Either way, it is all but a temporary solution.

As a woman it is easy to write this off as “one of those days” but this is something much deeper than that. We do not need to be stuck in this cycle, our fate is not being in this cycle. There is a God who created us after His own image and likeness. Looking to Him during times like this is when we can break free from this depressing cycle. Here are some ways to turn to Him through each step.

1. Internal Response

You do not have control over what people say but you can control how you respond. Interpret them well. Some people intend to be rude while others speak with pure intentions. Having a mindset to look for the good in their statements will make you less offendable. If you find yourself in a situation where you may feel underdressed or are not confident in your outfit, try to find practical ways to fix your outfit. Tuck in your shirt, find some fancy jewelry, fix your hair. Secondly, there must be an inward change in your attitude. Try to take pride in your appearance and be confident in yourself. Focus on the beauty within.

Psalms 139:14 “ I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”

1 Peter 3:3-4 “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”

2. Finding Truths

This is one of the hardest parts. When going through this part, it is imperative to seek the Lord. First, it must be stated that femininity is not tied to your external appearance. I am a woman if I am wearing a skirt or sweatpants. That does not change. The belief that you must present a certain way to consider yourself what God has already created you to be is insane. The best way to combat this stage is to find biblical truths for every lie we believe.

Lie: “I am not beautiful enough”

Truth: I was created by God. A perfect God does not make ugly people. He created the world and paints the sky each day. He put just as much effort and detail in creating me. Psalms 139:14 Isaiah 43:4

3. Application

This is where we can create practical ways to apply those truths we found. Our thoughts become actions. If we believe that we are not beautiful, incomplete, and less than, then that will manifest in our behavior and appearance. If we believe we are fearfully and wonderfully created then consequently, that will show in our behavior and appearance. Take extra time with yourself. Be gentle and patient. It can be easy to get frustrated however, having patience is the first step. Secondly, take pride in your appearance. When stuck in this cycle, you have to wear what you feel comfortable in then take pride in it. For different people, this means different things. For me, it is wearing a cute outfit and getting my nails done. This is to help me find more confidence within myself. Here are some verses I use to find confidence in what the Lord says about me

Joshua 1:19 Be strong and courageous. I am not confident in my appearance but I know God is always with me.

Psalms 139:13-14 I may feel small and incomplete but I was created with love and care by an everlasting God. That alone is reason enough to feel proud

Isaiah 40:31 My hope is in the Lord. He will renew my strength and show me new strengths I did not know I had.

Philippians 1: 16 From the very beginning, God began to work in us. When I feel down and discouraged I can trust that He will bring His work to completion. I was created with a purpose- to live for God (not the approval of others).

4. Everlasting Solution

This one is the hardest yet easiest step. It is easy because it physically requires little but hard because it requires complete surrender. When stuck in this part of the cycle we indulge in things that make us feel better for a moment. These things are distractions from the true issues we deal with and ultimately reflect the things we value. When going through these situations we should not look to worldly things to give us validation or comfort. There is a reason why it is “temporary”, it will fail us continuously and never break us free. 1 John 2:17 tells us that the things of this world are passing away. However, there is an eternal solution, Jesus.